Guess what: There’s no reason to talk on your phone anymore, unless you’re at home or in one of a few select emergency exceptions. It’s true. Talking on your phone isn’t only obsolete, it’s extremely annoying. So let’s kick the habit together, forever.
There’s just no point
The smartphone imbues us with so many ways to say something about the world we couldn’t literally say. Instantly and articulately. No rambling list of street names will ever be as good as a map, no description of that gelato’s color as precise as a photo. Or maybe a poetic text. The impossibly small computer is a poet and an artist and a cinematographer that can share your life with anyone you want. See a beautiful flower? Instagram it. Late for lunch? Fire off a quick text. Important email that someone needs to see ASAP? Forward it, and then text about it. And then Instagram a photo of your face looking urgent. Need food? Use your Seamless app, or any other number of extremely efficient ways to direct food into your atrophied gullet. Oh no—I’m lost! I’d better call Ji—oh, wait, no, I have a map of literally the entire world on my phone that can guide me anywhere.
We seduce via text, we breakup via text, we collaborate via email, we joke via tweet, we share adorable baby moments via video—the smartphone has given us pearly gloves of infinite dexterity, grace, and brevity—we can do nearly everything quickly and clean